Revise & Edit Retest

Mo’s Bows Darla’s teacher asked her to research and write about a young person who has made a difference in the world. Darla read about an inspiring young boy and wrote this paper to share what she learned. Read Darla’s paper and look for revisions she needs to make. Then answer the questions that follow. (1) “I like being different,” says Moziah Bridges, a boy from Memphis, Tennessee. (2) “If all the candies are red, I want to be the green one.” (3) Moziah goes by the nickname “Mo,” and he is a little different from most people his age. (4) He loves to wear fancy clothes like bow ties and jackets, even when he is playing outside. (5) Mo is also special because he started his own business making bow ties! (6) In 2011, Mo wanted to buy a bow tie with exciting colors or patterns. (7) He didn’t see any that he liked. (8) He talked with his grandmother. (9) She had been sewing for more than 50 years and had some old, unused fabrics. (10) She taught Mo, who was only nine years old at the time, how to make a bow tie on her sewing machine. (11) When Mo sewed his first tie, it didn’t turn out so well. (12) He says it looked like a tie that a clown would wear. (13) He kept trying to make better ones, though, and pretty soon, everyone started to tell him how great his bow ties looked. (14) He gave some away as gifts, and more and more people learned about them. (15) Mo was selling his ties as part of his new company, Mo’s Bows. (16) He started selling his ties on a shopping website. (17) Then some small stores in Tennessee and several other states began to sell his ties. (18) He appeared on the television show “Shark Tank,” which helps people with business ideas to grow their companies. (19) In 2014, the Tennessee State Museum even put some of Mo’s bow ties on display. (20) “Designing a colorful bow tie is just part of my vision to make the world a fun and happier place,” says Mo. (21) The young businessman makes ties in fun colors. (22) His ties often have stripes, polka dots, or sports-team designs on them. (23) Mo now makes long ties for boys and wants to begin making bows for girls’ hair. (24) Each item that Mo creates helps his business continue to grow. (25) Since Mo is still in school, he needs help with Mo’s Bows. (26) He has some employees who do most of the sewing. (27) Surprisingly, Mo does not keep all of the money he earns. (28) He has designed a special tie called the Go Mo! Scholarship Bow Tie.(29) This tie is sold to help other kids. (30) Mo’s mother is very proud of her son. (31) She encourages them to do what they love. (32) “You don’t have to wait until you’re older,” she says. (33) “If you have a dream and you have a passion, we say go for it.” (34) Mo certainly did! Which is the best way to combine sentences 7 and 8? He didn’t see any that he liked because he talked with his grandmother. He didn’t see any that he liked, even though he talked with his grandmother He didn’t see any that he liked, so he talked with his grandmother. He didn’t see any that he liked when he talked with his grandmother. Which transition is best to add to the beginning of sentence 15? However Therefore After all Soon Darla needs to add a topic sentence for the fourth paragraph (sentences 16–19). Which sentence should be added just before sentence 16 as the topic sentence for this paragraph? From there, Mo’s Bows became very popular. Eventually, Mo needed help with his business. Mo was excited about starting the company. Mo sold some bows to a few people. Which change can Darla make to improve the clarity of sentence 31? Change them to young people Change what to things Change they to you No revision is needed in this sentence. Tree House Tourist Jason’s teacher asked students to research and write about unusual uses for trees. Read Jason’s rough draft and look for corrections he needs to make. When you are finished reading, answer the questions that follow. (1) Imagine waking up among the treetops of a forest. (2) Your bed is over 70 feet off the ground. (3) Leaves brush against your windows and the chirps of birds echo through your room (4) Many people love tree houses. (5) Some people like them so much that we created tree house hotels for guests. (6) These unusual places are made to help visitors connect with nature. (7) Surprisingly, these tree house hotels can be found in many environments. (8) Tropical rain forests, thickly wilderness areas, or trees along an island shore are just a few places they are located. (9) Each tree house hotel fits right in with the natural surroundings of the environment. (10) Part of the fun of visiting a tree house hotel is arriving there. (11) A guest cannot just drive to the base of most tree house hotels and climb up. (12) A journey through nature is usually needed. (13) For example, a person in a rain forest will likely need to walks up wobbly narrow bridges and use ropes for support. (14) But the trip is worth it. (15) A person can see the jungle from a totally different view. (16) Spending the night in the rain forest is a rare and wonderful experience. (17) Not all tree houses look alike. (18) In Sweden their is a tree house hotel that is shaped like a bird’s nest. (19) The design helps the tree house blend in with its surroundings. (20) In Mexico a tree house is set over the shoreline coast. (21) It is perfect for someone who likes the beach. (22) The Frio River Treetop is closer to home it is located near Leakey, Texas. (23) Two tree houses are built into an old cypress tree. (24) They are 40 feet above the Frio River, and together they can hold up to 20 people. (25) The nearby area has swimming, fishing, canoeing, and hiking. (26) This makes it a greatest spot for someone who is looking for a more active setting. (27) Someday you may want to visit one of these tree house hotels. (28) You may prefer just to climb in a traditionul backyard tree house. (29) Either way, tree houses provide a great way to enjoy nature. What change should be made in sentence 3? Change Leaves to Leafes Change brush to brushes Insert a comma after windows Change through to threw What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 5? Change like to likes Change we to they Change created to creating No change needs to be made. What change should be made in sentence 8? Change rain forests to rain forest’s Change thickly to thick Delete the comma after areas Insert a comma after shore What change should be made in sentence 13? Change need to needs Change walks to walk Change use to using No change is needed What change should be made to sentence 18? Change their to there Insert a comma after hotel Change shaped to shape Change bird’s to birds What is the correct way to write sentence 22? The Frio River Treetop is closer. To home, it is located near Leakey, Texas The Frio River Treetop is closer to home. It is located near Leakey, Texas. The Frio River Treetop is closer to home as a result it is located, near Leakey, Texas. No change is needed. What change, if any, should be made to sentence 26? Change makes to make Change greatest to great Insert a comma after spot No change needs to be made in this sentence. What change is needed in sentence 28? Change prefer to prefers Change climb to climbing Change traditionul to traditional No change needs to be made What change, if any, should be made in sentence 29? Change provide to providing Change a to an Change enjoy to injoy No change is needed in this sentence.